Will I Ever Move Back to Texas?

I'd only consider moving back if the folowing conditions are met:

1. Fix the weather. 80 degrees on Christmas day?! WTF?
2. Clean the water. Tastes like pond scum. Must be the reason everyone there drinks beer, etc. all the frigging time.
3. Clean the racism out. Starting with 11-yos who could possibly live an otherwise normal life.
4. Encourage diversity.
5. Get some shade. The scrub ugly but good for the barbeque trees are a fashion don't.
6. Teach the natives to speak English, then tape their mouths shut if they bvitch about immigrants not enunciating clearly.
7. Move select family members to another state. I made the first move almost 10 years ago, now it's their turn.
8. Seasonal ponds? See number 1.
9. Cheapo Depot? Well, maybe.
10. Improve the general humor pool. See number 3.

So in a few words - no fucking way!